Feminists are not always wrong

That was when she leaned on her good friend — Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie — who had been vociferous in the league of demystifying feminism. She didn’t know that her friend (Ngozi), like her (Ijeawele), also doesn’t know how the heart of a female child could be turned towards feminism.

But with retrospect, Chimamanda, the African literary goddess who, whereupon was blessed with a daughter, then learned to suggest fifteen ways to Ijeawele, in response to her proposal, to be schooled on how to raise a feminist. She captured the lessons in her book entitled: “Dear Ijeawele, or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions.”

To be honest with the discussion, it’ll be prudent that the summary is premised on how “feminism” was defined by Chimamanda in her earlier book (We Should All Be Feminist). “My own definition for a feminist”, she asserts, “is a man or woman who says, ‘Yes, there’s a problem with gender as it is today and we must fix it, we must do better. All of us, women and men we must do better.”

It’s true that feminism is a bloody path because toxic feminists and misogynists rather regard it as a war against the opposite gender. The missing link between the above extreme connotation is what Chimamanda stands for: the problem with gender.

Gender problem isn’t to do with the fight for identicality — that women are like men, and men ought to be like women. No! That’s flawed to even begin with. It’s rather about “equal rights.” No human being goes wrong inviting towards equality, as far as it doesn’t go against the constitution and divine decree.

With hindsight, for Ijeawele to raise her girl, Chizalum Adaora as a feminist, she’d need to first uphold and commit to the dignity of motherhood.

Motherhood is a special gift, but some women loathe the idea of being mothers, so after childbirth, they deny their children, motherly love. Verphy Kudi is one example. She has been jailed for nine years for leaving her daughter to starve to death while she partied for six days (Source, BBC).

Feminism prioritizes motherliness. Without it, Ijeawele can’t raise her girl as a feminist. She needs to be a committed mother. One can’t be a feminist if she abhors parental responsibility.

However, being a first-time mother doesn’t mean she should consider herself as a ‘superwoman’. She may not even know how to calm a crying baby and all. So learning is key.

The gender problem is such that caregiving is left to women. Society wouldn’t want men to align themselves with domestic work. Ijeawele shouldn’t frolic in the culture of doing it-all. She’d, by all means, need her husband’s support, too.

The ideal Igbo tradition long before the advent of the Europeans was that women (their mothers) used to plow the farm and contribute to the upkeep of their homes. As such there would be no need to heed her sister-in-law’s plea that Chudi (Ijeawele’s husband) won’t need a double-income family. She can work if she so wishes!

Raising children by both parents comes next to nothing. They must raise their girl together. Chudi needs to be onboard. He should do everything within his control (not biologically though), which is equally helping in putting their girl to sleep, bathing, washing her clothes etc.

Some men are learning to babysit. In fact, those who ‘babysit’ aren’t the blood relatives of the child. So babysitting isn’t a privilege a man does to his own child. Chimamanda makes it clearer that it’s the husband’s duty to take part in raising his child. And that won’t make him Mr. Mum.

Building a reading habit: Chizalum becoming a feminist would hinge on her growing fonder of books. “Teach her to read.” Feminists are voracious readers, and Chimamanda is a good example. That’s not for a debate.

The best way Chizalum would love books is when she sees her mother reading too. Recommended books were autobiographies, novels, and history. If Chizalum grapples with reading, she should be tipped to read. She can be paid some coins after the completion of every page. Readers aren’t abused.

Choice of words: Special attention to the usage of words is required. Imagine a home which uses the “F word” every blessed day. Also, Ijeawele shouldn’t overburden her with words. Not everything that she’d have to tag it with ‘patriarchy’ and ‘misogyny'.

“Teach her to question language.” It is the basis for all prejudices, etc. Chimamanda has a friend who detests calling her girl a “princess”, simply because it connotes the idea that a prince would one day come and save her. She however prefers calling her an ‘angel’, or a ‘star’.

What Chizalum requires much is that she’d be bold to question ‘why a thing is as it is, and how it could be undone if possible’.

The danger of feminism lite: The conditional female equality. Ijeawele should teach her girl to embrace feminism wholeheartedly, not that she’d pick and choose. It’s either she’s for the full equality of men and women, or she is not.

Feminism lite considers men as superior to women, which is murky. Words like “allow” is even murkier when used. The British prime minister, Theresa May’s husband, was described by the British newspaper as: “Philip May is known in politics as a man who has taken a back seat and allowed his wife, Theresa, to shine”.

If the same is reversed that ‘Theresa May has allowed her husband to shine’, would it even make sense? Chimamanda chides the usage of the word “allow” and the idea of male chauvinists as senseless exploits. And it’s true!

African identity: Chizalum must embrace her identity. For an African girl, she has to espouse Africanism and be fond of Igbo culture. She needs to take pride in it. However, she should be taught to question anything in Igbo culture.

Times before the birth of twin babies were considered demonic by Igbo culture. But with the passage of time, today, every woman dreams of twins. So once an aspect of culture is repugnant, Chizalum should have the might to disassociate herself from it (or question it) without kowtowing to what people would say.

Mentorship: Who is she looking up to? Intuitively, Florence Kennedy, Ama Ata Aidoo, Dora Akunyili, Muthoni Likimani, Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, and Taiwo Ajai-Lycett would play a crucial role in moulding Chizalum as a feminist.

At a young age, it would be good that she aims at making it like or better than these brave African women. That she’d learn to respect everyone who doesn’t mean her harm.

Gender-based roles: Gender roles, to Chimamanda, is absolute nonsense. So Ijeawele should teach Chizalum that cooking is not consigned to womanhood; it’s a domestic chore everyone should know.

In the book (We Should All Be feminist), it’s mentioned that two siblings (a boy and girl) came back from school, but when the boy complained of hunger, his sister was asked to prepare noodles for him. Common noodles!

Of the ten world’s best chefs, Judy Rogers is the only woman among them. The rest are all men, with Joël Robuchon leading the chart. Do you get the drift?

There was also a nose-dive on sweeping as well. Chimamanda believes that the boy child, like the girl child, must be made to learn how to sweep properly. Ijeawele, in training Chizalum, shouldn’t be antiquated, that she’d tag domestic chores to gender.

David was clad in a pink suit at his wedding. His wife was also adorned in a blue-colored gown. They both appeared elegant. Chimamanda posits that colour isn’t a monopoly of any gender. Any colour is to any gender. What matters is teaching Chizalum self-reliance, what to wear and what colour to choose.

Women and men are to complement each other, so if society wants to usurp some rights from womenfolk, it shouldn’t expect women to gallop away like the gazelle who runs and leaves its helpless fawn to be devoured by lions.

Some men (and even a portion of women) find it problematic that feminists consider women education (or empowerment) as a gender problem.

Wangari Maathai (a Kenyan Nobel peace laureate) said: “The higher you go, the fewer women there are.” This is one of the truths of the many gender problems Chimamanda preaches against. The population of women in eminent places can’t be compared to men, though the world population is such that women outnumbered men.

There are scores of men who detest the fact that their wives would excel in academia more than them. An unpolished ego, sometimes with poverty, in addition. Previously, the female child would either get half or no schooling as the male child.

How would such men feel if they are to take their wives for antenatal (and/or delivery, childbirth) and all the doctors (and team) on duty are women? Their cry is that women’s privacy is exposed to male doctors; won’t it be curtailed? But how would this be possible if women don’t aspire to excel in academics?

History always reminds us that the first University the world had was established by Fatima bint Muhammad Al-Fihriyain in 895 CE in Fez. Women started their exploit not today.

Society keeps fiddling with the identity of women. She gets married, she must alter her name to her husband’s surname. Myopic! Inheriting women against their will.

A journalist once tried changing Chimamanda’s name to that of her husband’s after learning that she was married. She stopped it uprightly. Why must her name be changed simply because of marriage? Is marriage ownership or partnership?

It is a serious problem for one to think that there’s no problem with gender. And even a bigger mess than taking of arms against women is considered a game. People just have a problem with unlearning things which they had wrongly learnt. For instance, many men think they’re ‘superior’ to women because women are weak.

Well, if they are to consider menstruation, pregnancy, and childbirth they would know that women are braver than men. Thus, when God has a difficult job to be done, He looks for the best possible person to do it. But when He has an impossible job on His hands, He looks for a woman. Because with women, the world keeps breathing.

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