marriage
The success of your marriage depends on a firm foundation. In other words, what you do before you say "I do" is equally as essential as what you do after you say "I do" in your marriage, without any additional stress. Creating a solid foundation with someone can be immensely difficult, and it is becoming increasingly difficult in our modern society. According to the American Psychological Association, 90 percent of Americans marry by the age of 50, but between 40 and 50 percent of them will divorce at least once.
Likewise, the rates for the Black community are elevated. We have the second-highest divorce rate in the United States, behind Native Americans. Despite the fact that a large number of millennials give up when they consider these numbers and the current state of the dating scene, I do not believe that the institution of marriage is deceased and hopeless for future generations. I believe that failing marriages were either never intended to be or had a rocky beginning. However, there are ways to ensure the longevity of your marriage. Unless you commit these five offenses, you'll be off to a good start, assuming you don't get married.
You have not yet had significant conversations.
In the excitement and euphoria of a new relationship, a few details may be overlooked during the whirlwind of dating. This recalls me of Miranda Hobbs's remark to a pair of face-sucking honeymooners in Sex and the City: "Yeah, it's all so hot three days in!" After the euphoria of the engagement, the exhilaration of wedding planning, and the romance of the honeymoon have passed, you will be left with regular, humdrum life. You must ensure that you know and like the person with whom you've vowed to spend the remainder of your life once the glitz and glamour of the wedding have worn off. As individuals tend to hold strong opinions on religion, managing finances, responsibilities in the relationship, and whether or not to have children, ensure that you discuss these topics with your partner.
Any marriage can develop a severe rift if one or more of these issues are viewed differently. According to journalist Naomi Schaefer Riley's book "Til Faith Do Us Part," the rate of divorce among interfaith couples is higher. Using national surveys, numerous conversations with couples and religious leaders, as well as her own personal experiences, she writes, "People tend to underestimate the significance religion will play in their later years."
When it comes time to raise children, celebrate holidays, etc., our upbringing and inherited religious practices reappear. This also applies to opinions on financial matters and reproductive decisions. These may be firmly held beliefs that we never question until confronted with a specific situation. However, a difference in beliefs does not always justify a divorce. These issues are resolvable through communication, respect, and compromise. However, for some individuals, issues such as whether or not to have offspring may be non-negotiable. To avoid entering a marriage under false pretenses, it is essential to have these conversations early on and to have clear expectations.
You are doing it because it is the 'polite' thing to do.
Pregnancies that are unintended can burden even the healthiest of relationships. When an unintended pregnancy occurs, many couples feel pressure from society, family, and even themselves to strengthen their relationship. Prior to thirty years ago, the'shotgun wedding' was significantly more prevalent. According to Brides.com, roughly 30% of couples who unexpectedly became pregnant went on to marry. Alternatively, when this occurs, cohabitation is typically the result. Obviously, cohabitation can still lead to marriage, but I believe that in the majority of cases it simply leads to a long-term relationship.
Long-term relationships that have become inert, such as those resulting from an unintended pregnancy or a childhood friendship, are also not acceptable grounds for marriage. Sometimes, we remain in long-term relationships because we believe that leaving would prove that we've wasted our time, or because we believe that by getting married, we will eventually receive a return on our time investment. This typically leads to resentment and a further deterioration of the relationship. These two considerations are insufficient for a lifetime commitment. Marriage should be proposed out of love and a desire to share a life, not out of obligation or ultimatum.
You lack the disposition to be Flexible.
When you decide to share your existence with another person, you must be conscious of the fact that you are sharing. This means that the decision-making process for many of your actions will involve both of you, rather than just one of you. This will necessitate a great deal of personal adaptability in order for everyone in the marriage to remain joyful and fulfilled. I am more concerned with the broad picture, such as where you will live, who will continue to work, and how you will establish a parenting routine. You may have never considered raising a family in a community other than your own, but if your spouse wishes to relocate for an employment opportunity, you should be open to discussing the possibility. In the end, your married life is a new chapter in your life in which you have chosen to abandon your solitary, self-directed existence and move forward in tandem with your spouse. Get away from Here!
The topic of finances has not been discussed.
After infidelity, financial issues are the second most common cause of divorce. Since money impacts nearly every aspect of our environment, financial issues can manifest themselves in a variety of ways. If a couple is dating but not living together, money is typically not an issue for the majority of them. However, marriage significantly exacerbates the consequences. Before accepting the engagement ring, you should have a comprehensive understanding of your partner's financial situation and spending patterns. This will be extremely helpful when determining how to manage impending bills and unplanned expenses.
One partner may be more financially knowledgeable or disciplined than the other, and the couple may decide to appoint this person as "financial controller." There is no correct or wrong way to combine finances; it all depends on what you and your partner believe is the most effective approach. You have the option of consolidating all of your finances into a single account, keeping everything separate, or settling somewhere in the middle.
This largely depends on what you believe will work best for you. Compared to previous generations, I believe that combining finances can be one of the most challenging aspects of marriage for millennials. Even though it is difficult to live adequately without two incomes in today's society, the majority of millennials marry later in life. The longer you are single, the more challenging it may be to alter your financial mindset from that of a single person, making this conversation all the more vital.
You are oblivious of their idea of an appropriate spouse.
Being able to communicate and be comprehended is a crucial aspect of being in a relationship. Rarely do we recognize that the way in which our partner receives and expresses affection may differ from our own. The five love languages is both a well-known concept and a well-known book.
I believe it is essential to determine this and discuss it with your partner in order to comprehend how they adore. This will allow you to receive their gift and respond in a way that they can understand. If you fail to do so, you open the door to a great deal of miscommunication and tension.
In a relationship, expectations function similarly. Your partner may believe that as long as they pay the bills, everything else, including parenting, housework, and even faithfulness, is optional or inconsequential, despite the fact that this is not what you expect from them. You can assume that all household tasks, bills, etc., will be divided equally between you and your partner, and that any additional responsibilities will be assigned as they arise.
Some of these may seem obvious, but it is remarkable how much you can infer about a person based on their physical aspect. Even if you get along well and are in love, it does not necessarily follow that you share the same beliefs and ideas on all subjects.
If we want to repair the institution of marriage and avoid divorce court, we must enter marriage with a firm comprehension of reality and the resolve to put forth the required effort by being aware of expectations, being realistic, and communicating.