You would think that people would frequently ask "Did he come?" but this is not usually the case. Male orgasm is typically fairly obvious, whereas female orgasm is as shrouded in mystery and insecurity as the last twenty pages of a suspense novel no one has ever read. But she is anxious. There are always concerns about performance because his path to the climax is so clear-cut and so attainable even without her. Will he communicate with his men? How will he respond? Is there anything I didn't accomplish enough?
Her mind is filled with clips of Cosmo articles, and titles that she used to quickly dismiss as absurd (as if there were 101 foolproof ways to do anything, let alone a blowjob) have now taken on the significance of a warning. He might be stooping down and grabbing her in his arms if she had only remembered to perform a few more of those unique tricks. After all, aren't we taught that part of this is a trade-off—she gives me good sex, and I give her a small amount of the affection I know she is so desperate for?
If she were that desperate for love, wouldn't that be the reason she had come to his apartment in the first place? To give herself a little more space in his life, she considers all the things in his room that she could alter, relocate, or push to one side. But does she want to take part in it? The charming bachelor pad's allure has been diminished now that he is exhausted and dozing off next to her. It needs a good coat of paint and, perhaps, someone who cares about him enough to help him choose the right colour.
She ponders what she ought to ask for. Should she request breakfast if she thinks she'll be hungry in the morning? She's the new student in the group class who keeps tripping over her partner's foot because the entire dance is one she hasn't learned the steps to. She considers the potential wrongdoings she may have committed. She didn't remove her bra because she didn't feel completely comfortable going without clothes. Isn't it strange that a girl can let someone inside of her but still not feel willing to expose her tits to the public? Perhaps if she had removed her bra, she would have been more certain of what would occur the following morning.
Does she need to make the first move? Put out a pot of coffee and grab a few bagels from the cupboard. Should she rush to the nearby convenience store for some fresh orange juice? Or would that demonstration of commitment and focus be perceived, like so many others, as a step into the inappropriate and peculiar? Probably. It's best to simply stay in bed the following morning and perhaps take his shirt.
In a way, she wonders if he arrived. Not something like, "Did he ejaculate and reach orgasm?" because that is obvious. But she is unsure if he was there. If he visited her and remained there all night.
She places his hand on his shoulder, allowing it to sway with the expansion and contraction of his chest, and considers what it might be like if she spent every evening in this location. Perhaps she could feel at ease. Perhaps she could have her pet name, a toothbrush, and a towel. Though she was too shaken up to be completely honest, she hopes he enjoyed it. Even though it was thrilling, it might not have had much to do with the actual moves he made and more to do with the excitement of the novel and highly desired. She does, however, want to remain and see if tomorrow is still good. Possibly the following day as well. She gives him a too-light kiss on the forehead for him to feel anything as she observes his closed, soft eyes. She visualizes herself snaring in the arc of his arm.
But when he starts to stir, she acts as though she's still asleep.