Anytime my late husband comes to mind, I shed tears. We were both married for 10 years and if not for death that took him away from me, we would still be married and be celebrating more amazing years to mark our anniversary.
I lost my husband to a car accident on his way to come and pick me up and our children from the Volta Region after I took our children to go see their grandparents in the village.
I always regret the phone call I made two days before the incident happened. He insisted on picking us up from the village on a weekend but I also preferred he picked us up on a weekday to avoid some delays and traffic.
If I had listened to him, my husband would have still been here with us. I always blame myself for causing my husband’s death and his death broke me to the extent that I was unable to do anything for three weeks.
The day of the funeral will be another story to tell someday. After the funeral had taken place, I went to my husband’s graveyard to speak to him. I poured my heart out to the dead and after I became calm, I made a promise to him that I wouldn’t get married to any man until I joined him in eternity.
It has been five years since his passing and the only clothes I put on always is black outfits. My parents have spoken about the outfit several times but I always insist on wearing it which includes my wedding ring.
Several men have made advances toward me but I keep telling them I am married and thus reject their proposal. My parents have also introduced some men to me but the answer was still no.
I don’t remember the last time I stopped to speak to a man. I was returning from my husband’s graveyard one day and a man walked towards me to engage in a conversation with me. I was surprised I didn’t say no to him when he approached me.
He asked for my number which I gave it out to him and that is how I began a new friendship with a man after my husband’s death. Come to think of it, he is the only person I have been able to express how the death of my husband has affected me in so many ways.
We go out and he visits me at home. My children are always happy to see him anytime he comes around.
He has expressed his love towards me and I also love him back but I still love my husband and some part of me is not willing to erase my husband from my heart. My new friend has also decided to be with me until I say yes to him.
I am beyond confused and don’t know what to do.
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File photo of a widow at a cemetery (photo credit, Pinterest)