Marriage and family therapist Odeneho Dinpa has raised concerns about the need for couples to work out their relationships so unions do not become a casualty of the coronavirus pandemic.
According to him, even after exchanging vows and hoping for a happy ending ever after, social distancing aimed at combating the spread of Covid-19 provides some serious challenges to our respective unions.
He explains that “We are confined to small spaces with our spouses, with little to no reprieve. We have got to balance work life and personal life, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Throw young kids into the mix and it can be a recipe for disaster or, even worse, divorce”.
Speaking to GhanaWeb, therapist with a private practice Odeneho Dinpa shared steps you can take to help you marriage survive the covid-19 pandemic.
Communicate
The secret to any healthy relationship is communication.
Communication is key regardless of the circumstances surrounding marriages. For some, this might mean periodic huddles to deliver updates on what is coming next. For others, it could be a daily check-in that rates how each partner feels physically and internally.
Odeneho Dinpa says it does not matter as much how couples communicate during a coronavirus shelter-in-place, but simply that they try to do so.
"The biggest challenges I have faced so far are the cases in which both spouses are looking at what is going on with different lenses.When people have different perspectives, they have different ideas of what needs to be done, and the only way to work around that is to communicate."
Don’t leave issues hanging
Conflicts are common in every relationship. Dinpa says this is the best time to resolve issues.
“If conflict shows up, handle it. The fact is no one can run away now or go anywhere, or get away from each other, so it is better we solve our differences in a healthy way otherwise we will be stuck with it hanging over our heads the whole time,” he says.
But, he also advises couples to handle the conflict in a healthy manner. It is also important to pick the right battles to fight.
“Choose your battles. Some things are not worth fighting about. There are some things that are small, insignificance and because we are all stressed and around each other in our homes the whole time, small things will irritate us. But in those moments, we need to make decisions not to fight about every small thing.”
Get therapy
All this advice is a good start. For more comprehensive assistance in dealing with difficult and potentially sensitive situations, it's always a good idea to seek a new relationship with a trained therapist. The therapist says regular therapy can help people work through even the most intense anxiety. "Just having someone to talk to, someone who can help you work through some of these difficult issues, is invaluable," said Dinpa, a therapist with a private practice.
"Now more than ever, therapists are becoming indispensable for giving people the tools they need to get through any situation." Thankfully, today it's easier than ever to connect with a therapist.
Focus on the little things
It's easy to become overwhelmed with existential dread in the face of this pandemic, which changes daily.
This panicked state only further complicates your relationship with your partner. Instead of allowing yourself to be triggered, take a deep breath and focus on the little things — especially those you can appreciate with your spouse.
"Most of the time we just have these moments of gratitude for some very basic things we get to do together, and we hope that we'll all be able to get through this horrible thing sooner rather than later."
Dinpa, the therapist, added that sometimes even the simplest gestures can set the tone.
"Simply taking the time to stop, look at your partner and tell them, 'Thank you,' can make a huge difference," he said.
Be intimate
“Have sex. This is the opportunity where you can grow the intimacy in the relationship,” says Dinpa.
He adds that sex shouldn’t be neglected, and this is the perfect time to ensure that the love tank is full.
“Spending time in terms of physically being together and being intimate will also be healthy for your relationship,” says the counselor.
If you feel unsafe
Of course, there's another aspect to being stuck in the house with a spouse — one that can be gravely serious depending on the situation. If you have been a victim of domestic violence, no lockdown or quarantine is more important than your health. Police and other emergency response services are operating as normal, and if you are worried about personal safety be sure to call authorities immediately
Odeneho Dinpa, therapist with a private practice